Last night, I went to sleep at midnight. It's not a particularly early bedtime but for a Friday night, it was something different for me. The boyfriend and I just got a new mattress, one that is supposed to feel like the epitome of cliche. Like "sleeping on a cloud" or as James put it, "like angels were carrying me off to sleep while playing harps."
This is not what falling asleep felt like to me.
The sheets were suffocating me, wrapped so tight around me I feared I would stop breathing right there in my bed, with James in the next room, never knowing how I was suffering, being pulled under and out of sight as if I'd never even been there. The sheets were too loose. There was too much air billowing in all the extra space, it was filling me up and pushing me around and the sheets were bunching up, rubbing against my legs and I didn't like how the wrinkled fabric felt against my skin and I was going to go out death by cotton.
It was too hot. I was sweating and constantly reaching for the bedside table, where my cold glass of water was growing more and more empty, warmer and warmer, unable to quench the driest throat I'd ever had. Then, it was too cold. It was snowing in my room and no matter how far I cocooned into my comforter, the flakes soaked through, freezing the hair on my arms and making my teeth chatter.
When I finally fell asleep, I fell hard. I fell into worlds of tornadoes and wars and the world ending and screaming and screaming and too much screaming. Nightmare after nightmare of terror and heartbreak, all night. And I never woke up, all night.
I woke up this morning at noon. My entire body ached, especially my neck and my shoulder. My body felt like a hundred pounds, my back clenched with every movement. I dragged myself to the shower where I nearly suffocated, again, on the steam. My head swum in the heat and my stomach lurched as I grew dizzier and dizzier. When I finally managed to get out of the shower, clothed, and onto the couch, I fell asleep again....off and on, for the rest of the day. When I was awake, my mind was all over the place, I couldn't concentrate on one thing for more than five minutes. My motor skills were barely functional. As I sat on the porch, watching a sunset that my brain could barely even register, my thumb struggled to move against my cell phone screen no matter how hard my brain told it to. I fell asleep sitting up in my chair.
Dinner tasted bland. It was spicy Indian food.
As I watched television, still struggling to stay awake, I became angry at everything every character on the screen did. Why did that character just make that face? Why is he talking like that? His face is so annoying! I HATE THIS SHOW. I just want to go to sleep.
It's 11 o'clock. I'm in the bed, again, and I could fall asleep for the night right now.
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